Over the last 15 years, our family has transitioned a lot: six times in the United States, once from the United States to India, and three times in India. In 44 days, we will be moving (hopefully for the last time for a long time) back to the United States after having spent the better part of the last 9.5 years living in India.

As I reflect on our upcoming shift back to Oregon, I am ruminating on what I have learned about transitioning. Here are five mistakes I have made. 

1. Letting the transition dominate your thoughts and time before it needs to. In any transition, there comes a point where it’s time, and the transition is the only thing you can think about. There are also times when you know a transition is coming, but it is too early to think about or work on it. One mistake I have repeatedly made is thinking about and trying to work on the transition before it is time. My wife could tell you so many tales of how I have jumped the gun on our transitions…and how it drives her nuts (she is way more calm and patient than I am).
   
2. Letting the transition steal all of your time and energy. All of our transitions have been crazy, stressful, and time-consuming. Yet, in each one, there have always been down moments, even fleeting ones. At times, I have stopped to rest with my wife, play with my kids, or just take a deep breath, but I haven’t done this often enough. 
   
3. Not listening to people who transition differently, and often better than you. My wife and I handle transitions differently. She paces herself, packs when we actually need to, and does other things in the midst of the transitions. I, on the other hand, usually work until I collapse. She often reminds me to slow down and just relax. Many of my hardest moments in transition have come when I don’t listen to my wife. 
   
4. Forgetting what really matters in the long run. Transitions stress me out because they take time and money. In some of our earlier transitions, in an effort to make our transitions more economical, I suggested not bringing stuffed animals, toys, clothes, or things I felt weren’t necessary. My wife did and does remind me that these kinds of things often bring joy and comfort in the midst of the grief, loss, and pain that can happen because of and in the midst of transitions.
   
5. Thinking transitions will fix or make things better. I could write a whole blog post just on this point. Years ago, before we started moving a lot, I loved the idea of moving and starting a new chapter in a new place. The idea of a new adventure felt exciting and full of potential. Now, as I look back at many of our transitions, I realize how often I falsely thought problems would just work themselves out after we moved. Yes, there are good times and reasons for transitions.  What we can’t allow ourselves to believe, though, is that somehow a transition will fix things in our lives and relationships. 

What about you? What lessons have you learned about how to transition well that you could share with us here? I would love to hear what you have learned because I am going to need all the help I can get in our upcoming move.